Small towns...

...small minds. Of late I have apparently been a subject for speculation and rumors. I pay no attention to what folks have to say about me... at least I try not to. Because I do not want to care about what people think of me and for the most part I do not. With the help of a few very good friends ( you know who you are) I have been reminded that in my situation, newly single, I have to be my own best friend. I believe this to be the case regardless of one's marital status, it just becomes more apparent that when one is alone...they are truly alone. I am coming to terms with this and am enjoying my current shut-in status. I have been productive and am accountable to no one but myself. That is right folks, small town or not, I owe NO ONE an explanation for MY life. Say what you will, for what you have to say about me is not my business. I have no need to know. I do my very best not to gossip or judge. (That's right, unless you are a political force in our community, I am NOT talking or speculating about you and your life.) People do what they do. We all have our shit, our baggage and if you don't think you do...well that my friends is denial. Deep denial. I have a rich and colorful past which I have shared with very few people. No one but I know the details of my demons. They are mine and I guard them more so now than ever. I have lived many places and have always had my privacy respected. (Except as a Jehovah's Witness...talk about being under a microscope!) I have generally been an open book and have shared many of my experiences as they are wide and deep in a personal way and I feel that my experiences can and have helped others through theirs. I have recognized and been reminded of the necessity of keeping my book a little more tightly closed. Not necessarily to protect myself, but so that others can find the substance within their own lives rather than be enamored with speculating about mine. I have zero interest in what folks do in the privacy of their own homes. I judge no one's life for their experience is theirs and I am not in their shoes. Everyone does their best with the tools they have been provided and have acquired. I respect that it is their life, their circus, their monkeys. Everyone is many shades of dark and light whether or not they care to admit it or have the balls to do the internal work necessary to truly know, love and accept themselves as they are. I have done this work and continue to do so. The last 5 months have been ones of personal growth and acceptance. I am loving who I am and what my life has become and that is all that matters to me. If you must gossip and speculate it speaks far louder about the apparent lack of substance in your life than it says about me.

 I close this post with the quote below. To me this speaks volumes about how necessary it is to be your own best friend because when it comes right down to it you are the only one upon whom you can truly depend and the only one you can truly know. Peace, love and rainbows.

 "Had I not created my whole world, I would most certainly have died in other people's" ~ Anais Nin