I lost my mom at the tender age of four and though I have been blessed with many moms along the way the few memories I have of her burn bright. I treasure the stories told by her brothers and sisters among many others who knew her, and my grandparents kept her memory alive for me. I have spent little time wishing things could have been different because no one can change the past. It is what it is. I have, though, detached myself often through the years, from the pain of loss. I have held onto anger for the belief system that served to separate me from my sisters and my father, my aunts and uncles. Often I have felt so alone in my pain. When grandma passed away I reconnected with cousins who too were separated from family connections because of this damning belief system. In many ways these connections saved me. Brought my anger to the surface and helped me work through it. Gave me the courage to live, to forgive and to make my own way and face the fact that somethings can never be recovered but only accepted for what they are.
When grandpa passed although I felt like I had lost my last connection to my mom, my cousins were there and we celebrated the person we knew grandpa to be. The one who was and still is the glue that keeps us connected even though we are separated by distance. The one who showed true unconditional love to all of his children and grandchildren despite their supposed dysfunctions. We knew this even as we sat through a memorial service that did little to recognize this deep abiding love shown by my grandfather and focused on an afterlife that many of us present have no faith in. As my Facebook newsfeed fills with pictures of the past I am filled with both melancholy and a deep love for the connection that remains strong held together by those photos, by grandpa's memory. A deep love for all of my grandparents progeny who have lived as grandpa lived, authentically and honestly.
Life is short, too short to live with regret, with anger, and too damn short not to live the way that works for you, however that may look. So I cherish the memories, the lessons, and the example my grandfather set. Although beliefs separate me from my sisters and my father, many of my aunts and uncles, I love them all. I wish nothing but the best for them. Even though we may not be a part of each others lives blood connects us and I honor that connection. I wish them peace and love. That is all.
