The last couple of days I have sat in sorrow and despair for humanity, for this planet we live on. How can we have come so far and then in a flurry of bullets from a madman be thrown backwards? Back into a state of fear? Fear that living our truth, being who we are is cause for being murdered?
I recognize that there are millions of people worldwide who live in this a state of fear...because of hunger, poverty, nasty regimes, and these too are issues that if humanity so desired we could resolve. But here in North America, where we are supposed to be so much more enlightened than the rest of the planet, a madman, for whatever reason, can buy an assault rifle and walk into a place of joy and pleasure and mow down 49 people. Why? Because they were LGBTI (lesbian gay bisexual transgender intersex). North America where the civil rights movement freed those oppressed by racial segregation, where women won the right to vote through suffrage, where gay marriage has been recognized and legalized, where pride events illicit only a few loud obnoxious religious right voices but little to no violence. Where so many struggles affecting us all have been hard fought and won. How? Why? WTF?!?!?
I sat in wonder...why am I feeling this way? Why has this yet another ridiculous mass shooting in a country with ridiculously lax gun laws impacted me so greatly? Unlike the many other mass shooting (a total of 136 in 2016 ...this year alone and it's only JUNE!) what is different? I realized after discussion with a friend, it is because this one hit way too fucking close to home. Perhaps that sounds cold to those who have lost people in the way too many other mass shootings, I don't mean for it to. It isn't just about it hitting close to home...it is about it hitting those who have fought long and hard for their rights. Despite their state representatives continuing to introduce bills to limit them, despite the loud obnoxious voices of the religious right spewing bible verses as though they mean something to people who actually understand the concept of unconditional love, despite our loud voices against what we KNOW is wrong we continue to be hated, derided, maligned, beaten and murdered, and NOW mass murdered! In a place in which we have felt safe! And yes, I say WE because that is the depth of my solidarity with LGBTIs. They are my family, my friends, my community...a place where I always feel welcome, loved and accepted. So I guess I have taken it rather personally and so should you. There should be no place for this kind of hatred, the kind that is bred of self loathing developed over years of religious and societal indoctrination. The kind of indoctrination I am way too familiar with and left far behind long ago.
What can I do?? My insides are screaming. How can I stop a madman from murdering my family? I can't. No amount of rainbow crosswalks can stop it. No amount of Pride events can stop it. What I can do is shed light where there is darkness. Educate where there is ignorance in the hopes that someone will listen and learn. I will continue to paint rainbow crosswalks and organize Pride events. And now I will work to educate, to eradicate the ignorance that embodies these mad people and fight against the indoctrination that leads them to believe that how we live our lives is somehow wrong. That our differences make us less than them or anyone. I will do what I can to show that LOVE IS LOVE regardless of what their ancient outdated books may say. No one owns anyone else, we are not possessions. No one has the right to determine whose so-called morals are more correct. No one has the right to determine the correct path for another human. It comes down to this in my view, and this alone... if it harm none, including yourself, do what you will. Imagine the world if this alone guided our actions.
I now have renewed purpose. A damn shitty way to get it but when I leave this world I will do so knowing I did what I could to fill it with love. Peace, love and rainbows.
