So Distracted I Forgot my Blog...

...so it has been awhile. I have avoided posting much because I did not want to sound like I was feeling sorry for myself, which I was, while my husband was away at school for 9 weeks. That and as I am finding out as a Councillor that sometimes we should just keep quiet and observe. So that is what I have been doing. I have been observing the decimation of our country and democratic process by the conservative government, and the corporatist actions of Enbridge with the support of the Conservative government. Apparently we are going to learn the hard way that developing the Tar Sands until the Athabasca River and the native peoples and wildlife who live there are decimated as well is a very dangerous and foolhardy thing to do. As I learn more about the evolutionary process I lose hope that the virus of religion will somehow be stalled by a virus of reason, while at the same time gain hope that humanity will prevail for the sake of its own survival, if only in much smaller numbers. Like it or not, the fact is as long as the faulty foundation of dogma and belief remains so do the patriarchal attitudes of dominion over women, animals and the earth that seems to feed the rampant neo-fascism that masks itself as conservatism. The problem with traditional values is that life evolves and changes and conservative values require things to stay the same. There is inherent denial that societal attitudes must change as well.

...so since writing the above there has been little improvement. My hope in humanity is fading. People do nothing until such time that it effects them directly. Well people...who are your children, their children, their children's children??? Not fucking direct enough for you?? Yes I'm angry. I am angry that the uproar that we should be hearing is being drowned out by the mundane things of everyday life. By the corporate run mainstream media that feeds us such crap as "Jersey Shore"  and brings us Sun TV. Like WTF!!! Wake up people!! This is OUR life at stake and the lives and well-being of those who give us immortality, our grandchildren and our great-grandchildren. We cannot, we MUST NOT allow this shit to continue... and yet, what power do we hold?? How can we fight them?? By speaking out against the injustice that is constantly rammed down our throats!! By signing petitions, by holding signs, by speaking about it, by speaking about politics and religion even in so-called polite company. It is polite, apathetic company that keeps on keeping on and ensures that nothing changes. So I refuse to be polite, I refuse to be apathetic. To the best of my ability I will write, I will share, I will disagree and tell you why, I will VOTE, I will support those who speak... and at the same time I will go on about those mundane tasks that keep my bills paid. But I will do those tasks with honesty and integrity, I will approach the boards and councils I am a member of with the same integrity, honesty and tenacity ... I will do what I can to NOT be part of the problem, I will do what I can to rise above the complacency and apathy... and if necessary, much to my husbands chagrin I am sure, I will lay down in front of an Enbridge bulldozer...because a large part of me is afraid that this is going to be that kind of battle.

2012 ... Will it Truly be a R-evolutionary Year?

Revolutionary, evolutionary. Very little difference between the two and I sincerely hope that this year will be both. People are waking up to the fact that corporatism is more important than humanism to our governments. That 1 % of the planets population holds 90% of its wealth. That poverty and starvation are unnecessary. That we have the resources to care for everyone if we so desired to do so. That it is corporations and the governments who support them who mismanage these resources and who keep the pressure on all of us to consume needlessly. That it is these global corporations who keep us blind and distracted with senseless tv programming, disingenuous news headlines, who discourage preventative healthcare and encourage reactive healthcare, whose products make us sick, etc. Yes, they provide us jobs...but it is little better than enslavement as we must work to consume their products that we have been convinced we cannot live without. It is these global corporations that encourage disabling debt to the lower classes while they reap the profits in interest and money creation. Some of you are going to say that I am generalizing, that we need these corporations, do me a favor and look up corporatism. Corporatism is the foundation of our political and social systems and although there is supposed to be a trickle down effect that enriches all, the form that drives the global systems enriches only a few and enslaves the rest. I say think and act locally. Support your local economy, endeavor to control your local resources, recycle, reuse, reduce your consumption, this is where there will eventually be a trickle up effect by negatively impacting the profits of the corporations. The only place these people feel anything is in the pocketbook.

Occupy Wallstreet and all of its offshoots has the grassroots foundation that is required for real change. The corporatists want us to believe that these protesters are no good, violent and entitled folks who are a drain on society rather than who they really are, people who have a deep concern about where humanity is going and are taking action to do something about it.  Positive change that benefits all rarely comes from the top rather it is people centered and driven by the lower classes. History has shown this again and again. What makes anyone think this time will be any different? I think this movement has only just begun ...

What the ending of the Mayan calendar truly means is known only by those long dead Mayans who designed it however, I still hold out hope that this is the year for a real awakening of those who continue to sleep and carry on in blissful ignorance. I will do my part to help you wake up. Wishing one and all a Happy and Revolutionary New Year.

...Empty Nester in Denial.

and sooo not ready for Xmas. Kids will be here on the 23rd and they are sleeping in their own rooms...so technically they still live here, after all they have rooms. Denial?? Maybe, maybe not. Either way December is half over already and I am still organizing the kitchen, have all of last weeks clean laundry gracing the couch and have last bits of stuff to do in the bathrooms, the living room, the laundry room and the kids under the stairs room. Only one weekend to do it in while getting a live xmas tree and going to and recovering from two Xmas parties and I haven't even mentioned work yet. I am tired just thinking about it! Plus...I have a bent wood box and a paddle to finish painting. Thankfully it would appear that local politics can wait until the new year. Did I say I am wildly excited to see 3 of my daughters and 2 of my grand children? They make it worth it...every little bit and as soon as they get here I will be able to breath and let go and just enjoy...Merry Xmas, Happy Hannukah, Merry Kwanza, Happy Winter Solstice and Happy Holidays!! Hope your celebration is whatever you want it to be.

 Me, I'm going as pagan as possible, no baby Jesus in our house  or any kind of Jesus for that matter, (unless he is visiting from some latin country and name is pronounced Hay-zeus) although John still is not up for the dancing around the midnight fire naked on the solstice. (Maybe in the spring when it is not so cold and wet??) I have been trying to talk him into a midnight beach trip on the solstice, so maybe this year. And I have successfully talked him into a live tree so we aren't killing one this year. Then later when it gets too big I will plant it in our yard. Xmas cards may happen one year but probably not this one. I really must learn to start much earlier with the Xmas crafts as I refuse to buy anything I know I can make myself. Can and will however, are two entirely different things. I also have until December 31st to make my 5 items for those I promised at the beginning of the year, yes I still have the list and thankfully I always have a number of nearly finished projects that I can complete to keep my promise. The cool thing is some of them may have forgotten so it will be a surprise. This year the kids get two hours each of my tattoo time...hey I have two kids in college and am soo broke, with my time as well so hey it is an expensive gift! Fortunately tattoos is what they wanted anyway. :) Everyone else expect your xmas gifts/cards on or near your birthdays, possibly. I will catch up... eventually. Once again, happy holidays, peace, love, joy, etc. etc. oh and ...revolution too of course!!

My Baby leaves Today...

My youngest is off to college today...and all I could think of at bedtime last night was how well she used to fit in my lap and ... how I wish I could hold her there still. She is admittedly a bit big for it now, I have a small lap. I miss my oldest everyday, now the day has come for my youngest to go , sooner than expected and somehow even though my husband is here beside me I can't help but feel alone.

Last night I dreamt of two little girls that needed me, the same difference in age as my two, I dreamt of holding them on my lap, playing with them...they were not mine as I was the same age I am now in my dream. I do not know who's they were, all I know was they needed someone to care for them and that someone got to be me. I remember feeling so privledged that these two girls wanted to sit in my lap. They hugged, smiled, laughed and played with me. I miss when my girls were small and I was all they needed. No matter what they will always be my little girls, and when I look at them I still picture Alysha with curls to die for andher mischevious smile, especially when she had a small defenseless animal in her arms and Ileah with her small voice, quick feet and  'I'm doing it MY way' attitude.

It has always been us against the world especially after I left my religion and my first marriage broke up. I know they will not really be that far away, just a Skype call and a 2 hour plane ride... they are grown up and need to go out on their own and find their own way... its not us against the world anymore. They will go out and take on the world and I know they will do well and the world will be better for their contributions to it. Still ... I can't help but feel a little bit like I am on MY own once again. It seems I have needed them as much, and maybe more than they have needed me..they have taught me so much. Hopefully enough that I too can go out and face the world. It is time for them to test their wings and I guess I better be dusting mine off... it seems I have to start using them again.

(Don't worry honey, I'm not going anywhere...but I am getting into politics...and for that, I'm gonna need my wings.)

Angry Blogging

Yep that is what I do. Something pisses me off or irritates me I blog or post. And, yes, that is why I am blogging now. So this is a bit of an opening disclaimer that what I am about to share is bound to piss someone else off that I have shared it, or offend someone because of it's anti-Christian overtones and apostate leanings. Disclaimer complete, read at your own risk.

Having once been a zealous participant of the Jehovah's Witnesses I am well aware of their teachings and understand why many act the way they do. I understand why I am disfellowshipped. Okay, I get it. What I don't get is how a family that says they love you can dismiss you as though dead. Franky, I never did get this. I ALWAYS thought this was unloving. I had many discussions (read: arguments) regarding this treatment and also regarding what apostasy is. Real definition versus the Jehovah's Witness one. What my family fails to realize is that when one leaves the religion they do not all of a sudden lose all that they felt, experienced, thought they knew. That "knowledge" does not just disappear whether or not they want to believe that to be the case. I am not caged by satan, god's spirit did not leave me, one cannot lose what one did not have in the first place and one cannot be trapped by something that does not exist. Now I really do not want to get into that can of worms, but nonetheless, the JW position is that once those who leave are out they no longer have Jehovah's spirit and are, thus blinded by Satan. I say that once you are on the outside you quickly find out how wrong the JW's are. Contrary to what JW leaders would have their followers believe, few of those on the outside are these bad horrible people they want you to believe they are. In fact I have known nastier far more dishonest people on the inside than I ever did on the outside. I think that once you truly open your mind and ignore the JW thought police, read new books (not necessarily Ray Franz either, I have yet to read Crisis of Conscience and have little desire to do so), think new thoughts, do some of that inherently evil independent thinking, then you find out the real truth. That they don't have it, no one does and JW's wouldn't know what love is if it ran over them. I tried after I returned to really come to grips with what I knew as a "worldly" person with what I was to believe as a JW and it was always very difficult for me to come to terms with the notion that all those who were not JWs would die at Armageddon (yes they do in fact teach this!). I was even once told that because I did not believe that I did not love god. If that's how god feels about his supposed creation then what's to love?? 

So...the reason why I have gone off on this tangent is because I have two sisters who are pregnant and I found out through a Facebook posting. I do not even warrant a phone call or an email. Repeatedly I have been told how MY actions have hurt them ... yet I am not the one who chooses not to speak to them. I followed my heart and my conscience and chose honesty over hypocrisy and I am hurting them. You know maybe I am hurting them. Part of me wants to shun THEM and say fuck you and fuck off.  And another part of me misses them dearly everyday and so very much wishes we could be close. I wish to know my nieces and nephews and I am sorry to have missed out on so much. Yet at the same time I feel more sorry that THEY are stuck in a place that discourages freedom and encourages them to treat their family members in such a hateful manner all in the name of a god that asks you to sacrifice your children to gain his approval. I know my family will not see it that way and that renders me powerless to change it. I hate feeling powerless more than anything.

On the upside, I am so glad to have raised my girls outside of that unhealthy situation and to have found and shared with them the freedom to grow and to love freely and unconditionally. I am so happy that they have the freedom to be who they are, to live honestly, to be true to themselves and I would have it no other way.

Faith VS No Faith

Big subject yes I know. I approach this with a bit of trepidation because I know that I am going to rub some people the wrong way. Let it be known that the reason for this writing is because things have been posted, written that rub ME the wrong way. Stating how blessed one is to have faith and prayer for comfort subtly implies that those who do not have faith in a deity or who do not pray have no means of comfort. The notion that faith and prayer should be the default position irritates me. I understand that this is what works for them, and I understand that they do not mean offense, however, when the implication is that without faith and prayer there is no comfort or peace or whatever, I am offended. I have dealt with much death and adversity in my life and faith never made it any better, never brought them back and rather than encouraging me to treasure cherished moments and memories, faith taught me that we must hope for something better beyond this life and for a day when we would be with our loved ones again. Pining for this new life caused me to ignore and neglect this one, to forget those moments that should most be treasured. Now I am not saying that this is the case for everyone, but it has been the case for me. Rather than seeking what was best for me and my children, faith said I must stay in my situation so I could have a forever future. Load of horse shit!!! How does anyone KNOW there is life beyond this one? They don't. Period. You can have all the faith in the world that there is a life beyond this one, but that will not make it so. So I say make the absolute most of THIS life. Recognize that death is a part of life. It is the cycle of life for ALL creatures, big and small. All life is important and to be treasured BECAUSE it is so fleeting. Does that mean there is no purpose?? Absolutely not. Our purpose to to make things better for those who do give us forever, our children and their children. This is our responsibility!! It is our evolutionary duty to make the world a better place! Does faith do this?? Not that I have seen. Faith causes one to believe that life here is temporary and thus treat the world as though IT is fleeting rather than life. Exploitation of other lifeforms to their extinction and endangerment,extraction and exploitation of resources to OUR and OUR children's endangerment, lack of respect for the life of others are the results of this notion. Poverty, starvation, war...if the value of life was truly appreciated and understood these things would not be the norm. If the value of life was truly taught and understood people would be more likely to get help for their personal issues rather than hope for something new somewhere, sometime else. There is a saying that goes..."Give a man a fish, you will feed him for a day, teach a man to fish you will feed him for a lifetime, teach a man to pray and he will starve to death on his knees." ~ Chinese proverb variation.

Now if one can have faith and still make the most of this lifetime, understand clearly the value of life, teach this to their children without judgement of others for whatever reason, with encouragement to take care of personal issues in healthful ways, and without the 'we will see him/her one day in heaven', more power to them. Great! Good! Although, other than a very few, I think it unlikely that one can have that mix and still have 'faith'. (Note: I am speaking of faith in the manner of belief and all its entrapments) At least in my opinion. (I really do wish to be wrong on this one.) Humans need to address whatever problems they have regardless of cause, repair what is possible to repair, accept and move on. This is a lesson better learned young and is best taught by example. I have faith in humanity that as a whole it will do what it needs to on the evolutionary path to ensure survival. And this is all the faith I need. Prayer is energy directed and I can direct my energy without prayer, without faith. So when someone dies, I think positive thoughts of wondrous memories of their life, what they have left in the hearts of their friends and family, and gratefulness for the time we had with them. I treasure their memory, think of them with love and this is what comforts me. I wish I had had this same appreciation when I was younger as I would have far more appreciated items that should have been treasured. There was no need because Armageddon was around the corner and we would soon be with them in paradise. Now, I have no need to think of them in a better place because it is what it is. Non existence does not mean that there is no hope, it just means that the energy our loved ones used has gone on to feed other parts of this amazing universe we live in. I see wild strawberries growing in endless fields and I think of my mom, I see eagles soar and I think of my granndpa. Energy is in all we see, it is never expended only transferred. In this manner reincarnation can be so and our loved ones energy can be a part of whatever beauty in nature that we see them in. This is more real to me than some invisible heaven with some invisible and unimaginable angels or god. Whether or not there is a future paradise is immaterial to this life because it is unknowable. Paradise needs to be here and now. On the whole this world IS a wonderful place. Imagine how it could be if people would let go of the hope for something better beyond this life but worked instead at making this life their something better? Death is a part of life that teaches us to appreciate life. 
Life is meant to be lived...so live it. Faith, other than in our own human potential, is not required.

Holy! I've Been Distracted for a Month!!

So a month has gone by since my last blog post. No surprise really as I often start projects, then drop them when distracted by something else, sometimes never to return or return years later, so really a month is not bad. A lot can happen in a month. I'm not saying a lot has happened in the past month just that a lot CAN happen in a month. Okay actually a lot has happened.

I am indeed running for village council, may even get elected. I have been trying to come up with a platform but as I have no real axes to grind. I will have to run on the promise of doing my best to ensure honesty, transparency and being a voice for my constituents. I have no idea what it will be like and am trying not to prejudge. I am honest to a fault so I am not sure that I will be able to fill the typical politician boots. I hope I have enough self-awareness to not be swayed by anything to change or severely challenge my honesty. Anyway, I guess I will continue working on a platform. Gonna need some ammo for the All Candidates Forum, assuming there is one.

My youngest daughter has been accepted to Blanch McDonald for their Global Makeup program and offered a $2000 scholarship if she starts November 30th. Yep that's right! Next month! An entire 3 months or so sooner than I anticipated her moving. She is actually moving November 7th as we had already purchased her flight to go visit her sister and take her to a concert...so now she won't be home till Xmas. She is getting ready and will undoubtedly be far more ready than I will. So on November 7th John and I will officially be empty nesters. I will have to take the 'nearly' out of my blog name. Boo.

As of 3 days ago I have lost exactly 45 lbs since February. How? First I stopped eating anything with wheat and/or gluten in it, then I got braces so have been doing smoothies alot (not Visalus, will get to that in a sec). At first these were yogurt, milk fruit and hemp seed hearts. We used homemade yogurt for the most part. Then we chose to cut milk (skim, 1%, etc. not dairy as we still eat cheese and greek yogurt which is made from whole milk and is low in lactose. Milk for drinking particularly homogenized milk is very high in lactose.) and substitute almond milk, not soy, in our cereal and for drinking. True Almond by Silk is the best so far and is even passable as coffee creamer. Although I use cream and generally only have one mug of coffee per day in the am. Anyway I digress. John has joined me, actually he is the one I primarily wanted off milk as I have never been a big milk drinker. We have also cut out almost all carbohydrates and only have rice pasta occasionally. Meals generally consist of protein and vegetables. We make sure every meal contains fats, saturated from meats, dairy, butter, olive oil, ground flax in smoothies, and grape seed oil, our own variation of the ketogenic diet. Since starting this John no longer has intense swelling of his ankles and feet in the evenings or at anytime for that matter, even though he has been on them, or off them as the case used to be. This is a huge improvement that we think comes from cutting out the milk he used to drink daily. As well, his energy level and motivation are much, much higher and he can no longer sit still idly for long. Anyway, these dietary changes are turning into permanent ones and John continues to feel better and look better. He no longer eats wheat and gluten, except for every once in awhile. No white rice or potatoes and all pastas etc are from brown rice or quinoa. Permanent changes. I feel great and now weigh 147lbs or so, thinner than when John and I married. I would like to lose 10 more lbs or so and then clothes shopping as I got rid of all my size 8 stuff long ago and my size 10 stuff is beginning to hang a little too loosely. (Not bragging just stating a new and proud fact.)

As for Visalus, my biggest issue is that it is an MLM which I find distasteful. I have seen what MLMs (also known as Network Marketing and often indistinguishable from pyramid schemes) have done to members of my family. So admittedly this already biases me against the product. Next it is a shake  mix...pure and simple. Add other ingredients such as fruit, milk, juice and in one item I read, even coffee (hmmm) etc. to a packet of vitamins, minerals and protein. That it is sold as a 90 day challenge is a good way to kick start wieghtloss and I seriously considered starting John on it to help him with his weightloss, but I have no desire to try to sell it to anyone else. And it is pricey when I can buy enough protein whey mix for $50 to last a month and know that vitamins and minerals are generally best absorbed through whole foods. So there is my issue. I am sure some nurses and doctors will say otherwise and yes, I am sure it has helped lots of people and I guess, if I still had the 45 lbs to lose I may look at it much differently. I also try not to do artificial anything to the best of my ability and minus the occasional bag of cheetos ( no gluten!! and bad for you but taste oh so good!) because, well it just is not good for you. Meat and vegetables have been tested over a millenia...artificial sweeteners, (sucralose for example, made from chlorinating sugar by the way) have not been. So going with tried, true and natural whole foods, because dammit, we know they are good for a body and is THE BEST way for your body to absorb nutrients. Am I gonna have to provide references for these claims?? Let me know or if in doubt google it...thoroughly.

Okay so obviously I have had a few things on my mind...gotta go get my daughter enrolled in college. I am sure I am not quite done so I'll be back...after another round of  Conspiracy Theory Facebook Battle.